KAYAK NON - RACE

It has been some time since I have placed a post on this Blog.

However I feel compelled to comment on the last Post by one Derek Goldman pertaining to the so called "Kayak Race".

For the sake of brevity I shall keep this as brief as possible. However you will, once you have read this missive, appreciate how difficult it is to do so, given my present emotional state.

Mr Goldman and his Wife whose name I cannot even bring myself to mention, organised this and publicised this"race" - even exhorting us to attend so that we could set a new world record . So far so good. Things then rapidly took a turn for the worse.

This Mr Goldman and his unmentionable wife, on the Friday evening prior to the race, undertook to provide me and my paddling partner with a canoe to race in. he encouraged me to do so (his words) "becuase then you can show everyone else how to steer...(?)"

Needless to say, having been so encouraged by a prominent member of the canoe paddling community to participate and display my undeniable skills, I jumped at the opportunity. Mr Goldman then procured, from his group of drinking buddies (this is the kindest way in which I can describe them), a paddling partner for me. I was assured that she was a top swimmer or something and up to the task. She was not. The evening before the race she withdrew leaving me, so to speak, "up the creek without a paddle partner"") complaining that she was scared of hurting her shoulder (?).

Undeterred I arrived at the race the next day with my single canoe. I was determined to show Goldman, the other one and my erstwhile paddling partner (who was seen lolling around on the beach with a perfectly good shoulder), that I could indeed steer as well as he said.

Goldman, grinning from ear to ear and winking to the unmentionable (he does not grin much you may have noticed) then proceeds to tell me that the "Double" is available and that be brought it with "just in case". (At this point in the story I am starting to tremble). Brimming with innocent enthusiasm I managed to locate an equally naive young lady to accompany me on my journey around the lighthouse - she told me that she had heard that paddling with me is "quite and experience".

I know this is long winded so I will cut to the chase (or lack thereof). Halfway to the lighthouse in a large South - Easter swell my partner asks me rather nervously why all the other canoes are passing us? Why? - The canoe had begun to sink. 5 minutes later it was no longer going over the swell but instead, submarine like, had begun to dive through. My paddling partner (being in front) was gamely carrying on but could not see where she was going (being underwater) and I chivalrously decided that we should turn and head back. Have you ever tried to turn a double K (the make) which has its front hatch full to the brim with seawater away from the wind?

Not being able to either steer the F.. thing or surf with it, we heroically limped back while all the time being soaked by the side - swell and risking imminent capsize.

My point? This is how low Mr Goldman will stoop to make sure he wins. Sadly for him he was soundly thrashed by a whisp of a girl half his age. Serves you right Goldman...